Magneto Good Parent or Bad
by boboo3
Summary: Magneto is not a very good parent. Between sending Wanda to a crazy bin and Pietro off to the Brotherhood where he would soon become a terrorist. Magneto was a good parent, then again not really. Read to find out what he did. No official couples
1. Lessons Learned in Baseball

Disclaimer: Wow, I some how escaped from jail. Oh well, I do not own X-men Evolution

Magneto Good Parent or Bad

Chapter 1: Lessons Learned in Baseball

Pietro was very bored he was sad his father was always to busy being a terrorist to give him attention. It was always mutant rights this, blow up the moon that.

He wanted to play baseball, "Dad can we go play basball."

"Sure thing son, get the gloves and the balls," said Magneto, "I will meet you in the park."

Later in the park…

Pietro walked by Avalanche with a sandwich board that said, 'The X-Geeks are zombies coming to eat our internal organs. I watched Kitty transform.'

Lance's memory…

"Lance is it okay if I get changed," said Kitty.

"Sure thing Kitty," said Lance.

A minute later…

Kitty was wearing a dress then Lance said, "Holy shit you're a freaking Zombie!"

"Lance I'm not a zombie," said Kitty.

Lance pulled out a bat and started beating the crap out of her.

"Lance stop! I'm bleeding!" said Kitty.

"Shooting them in the head always finishes them off," said Lance, he pulled out a gun and shot at her as she phased through the floor.

Present day outside of Lance's head…

Pietro found his dad and said, "Dad I'll catch you pitch!"

"Sure son anything you say," said Magneto he laughed a little.

Then he shoved a railroad spike into the ball.

"Ready son?" asked Magneto.

"I'm ready for anything," said Pietro.

The ball floated in the air and started flying away.

"I'll get it dad!" said Pietro.

Two seconds later in a highway…

"I caught it dad!" yelled Pietro.

Then a semi-truck ran over him.

Stay tuned for chills thrills and lame jokes! I am just getting warmed up on those!


	2. Babysitter Blob

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution…however I do own this extremely dumb story:D

By the way its kind of an AU…I guess.

Chapter 2: Babysitter Blob

"Wanda, Pietro I have to go on an Acolyte recruitment mission ok?" said Magneto, "So I am getting a babysitter."

"Dad, don't leave us alone," asked Wanda.

"I have to honey after all those years in the mental asylum, I don't think I should pay attention to you very much," said Magneto.

Then some knocks were heard.

"It's the babysitter," said Magneto he opened the door revealing the Blob.

"Nothing moves the Blob!" he said.

"Not now Blob!" said Magneto, "This is my daughter and my son."

"Don't leave us with him daddy!" yelled Wanda, as Magneto put on his dorky helmet.

"Well I have to go," said Magneto, "Are my eyes yellow enough? Can you see my face?"

"Yes and no," said Pietro.

"Oh by the way Blob, there is a pile of donuts over there," said Magneto, "I forgot to chain you two rascals up!"

He used his powers to make chains come out of the floor and tie them next to the donuts.

"No don't leave us!" yelled Wanda right as Magneto walked out the door.

Magneto left and Blob sat in front of the donuts.

He started chowing down like a pig with its slop. Also like a police officer, with its well…doughnuts. Blob would make a good police officer, seeing as he consumes so many doughnuts.

Several minutes later…

Blob gave a triumphant belch at the pile of crumbs. He then slurped them up with his tongue.

"Well now that you're done can you please unchain us?" asked Pietro politely

"Did you know I am a cannibal?" asked Blob.

They stared wide-eyed at him for two minutes…

"Nothing moves the Blob!" he said again.

"Please don't eat us," said Pietro.

"You are people!" he exclaimed, as he opened his mouth.

Then Magneto floated in…

"Blob when will you be free again," said Magneto, as Blob bit Pietro's finger.

He let go and said, "Wednesdays and Fridays."

End of Chapter

If you flame about cannibalism don't. Blob was hinted to be a cannibal in Ultimate X-men, and if you do flame bring it on!


	3. Special Treatment

Disclaimer: Lucky to be alive…oh and I don't own X-men.

Chapter 3: Special Treatment

The next day Magneto found someone he was looking for, for years…

He called Pietro and Wanda to the living room, "My children meet my other daughter Lorna."

It was a girl with green hair; she had magnetic powers like Magneto.

Wanda and Pietro stared at her.

"She is going to get all of my inheritance unlike you two!" said Magneto, "Because…you two remind me of how sad my sex life was!"

"What?" asked Pietro.

"Oh and by the way Pietro, super speed is a little girl power…why can't you be manly like Lorna?" asked Magneto.

Pietro cried and ran to his room.

"Wanda why don't you go show Lorna your voodoo dolls?" said Magneto, "Cause I habe to fly."

He flew threw the roof straight as he hit his head he said, "Holy crap, that's a heavy cloud."

"Well why don't we see your dolls?" asked Lorna.

They went to her room; she showed her a small collection of dolls. Strangely they were all male dolls.

"This ones of my brother," said Wanda she stabbed it with a knife.

This could be heard from Pietro's room, "Oh jeez I'm bleeding everywhere."

"This is of that evil neighbor kid Todd," said Wanda, she lit it on fire.

Outside, "My tongue feels like its on fire! Get me an ambulance!"

"This one is of, that weird guy Sabretooth who lives in the basement," said Wanda.

She flicked the crotch area with her finger.

"Oh man, I'm not having children," said Sabretooth, "No children who will grow up to be anti-mutant people!"

"Want me to make you one?" asked Wanda.

"Sure," said Lorna.

She lifted up a doll with green hair, "This one is yours."

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed.

Soon she ran out of the house.

A few hours later…

"Wanda, Pietro, Lorna I'm home," said Magneto.

Pietro walked up who had a huge gash in his stomach, "Dad I need to get to a hospital."

"Not now Pietro," said Magneto, "Where is my favored child?"

"Lorna went to the store," Wanda lied as she walked in.

"Oh jeez you made another doll didn't you?" asked Magneto, "I guess it's time to take you to the pound."

"No daddy," said Wanda, "Please don't."

He grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and tossed her in a kennel, "Pietro, Wanda will be back some day…so now you're the woman of the house."

"Not again," said Pietro.

End of chapter


	4. Return From the Pound

Chapter Four: Return From the Pound

"Well it's been four weeks," said Magneto, "I guess I better pick up Wanda from the pound before they put her down. Man have I been putting this off."

Pietro looks at Magneto, "Just don't beat me father."

"Ah Pietro that's the way a father and a daughter bond," Magneto replied.

"I wish you would stop implying I am feminine!" Pietro exclaimed in anger.

"Umm…what? Go park the metal balls for a fast escape," Magneto said ignoring Pietro's previous statement.

Pietro walks over to the closet he opens it the metal balls roll out, Northstar is seen standing in the closet, "Man your still in there?"

"I might just come out for you little boy," Northstar says closing the door.

Pietro starts pushing the balls towards the door, "Why can't we travel in cars like a normal family."

"We are homo superior and you better start acting that way!" Magneto yells at Pietro.

A voice comes from the closet, "You know I am homo superior."

"Why don't you come out here and say it?!?!?" Magneto threatens silencing him.

They both hop into the metal orbs…

Inside Pietro's orb, he is getting battered around and such.

They arrive at the pound. Pietro hops out and barfs all over the ground.

"Man are you a wuss, that's my favorite ride!" Magneto says then laughs at Pietro, "Well let's head inside."

They walk inside and arrive at the front desk, "Hello sir but I dropped off a female dog four weeks ago…you didn't put it down yet did you?"

Guy at desk, "Oh your that psycho who dropped off the little girl."

"Shut up homo inferior!" Magneto said.

"This way sir…" the man sighs.

They walk over to a cage where Wanda is cramped in a small cage. She is rattling the bars and barking.

"Oh whose a good girl, whose a good girl, gaja baja ba!" Magneto babies.

The front desk guy opens the cage, "Here you are sir."

"Thank you…now to terrorize like a terrorist does!" Magneto exclaims before setting down a CD player, "Just to light the fuse."

He pulls out a lighter and starts to light the head phones.

"Sir that's a CD player," the man says.

"Oh right here's the bomb," he hands the man Wanda, "Okay honey now tear a hole in reality as we know it!"

"But father!" she cries.

"Do it!" he threatens.

"Okay," a flash of light appears everywhere.

Next Chapter: House of CD


End file.
